In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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