does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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