I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
