Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
