I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
