I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
