Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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