he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
