there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
