I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
