I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
