Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i barfeds in our rink
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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