At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
