i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
