I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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