You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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