So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i now understand why vodka
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
