I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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