Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
