I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
