To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
