You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
