he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
