I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I died a long time ago.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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