my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
