Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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