she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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