So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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