So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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