Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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