Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
