Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
