Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
