if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this just has baby written all over it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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