Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need to sanitize my soul.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
