boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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