Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
