Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You ruined the universe
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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