Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
