Got a toothbrush?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
