Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
