the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
