my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
