He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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