Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
