Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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