you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
