Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
