I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
