Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
