I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
