my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
