Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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