what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
