my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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