i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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